Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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