Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
