i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
