Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
that may or may not have been my penis.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
