I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
