I don't usually arrange sex via text message
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
