So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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