nutella sex= disaster
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
