3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
