Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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