I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
