Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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