My nipple is on Facebook.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
