We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
