people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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