the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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