he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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