And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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