Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
