i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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