Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize