I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
