After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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