i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
