you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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