You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
