i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
