i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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