His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
