after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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