did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
