I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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