If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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