Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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