addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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