WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize