I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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