My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
