I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
