just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
