Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
