what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
