There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she peed on how many people?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
