It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
