hotel room ftw
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
