If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
