But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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