i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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