I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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