Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
