okay pat passed out under dana's car
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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