the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm bleeding and have questions
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize