He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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