she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My vagina just clenched in fear
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
