Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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