I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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