I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
