Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
