fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
