Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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