Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
