We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
