It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
