it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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