he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
