I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
