Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
