I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
