i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
