there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
