I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
